Kingdoms of Amalur: Re-Reckoning or Re-Launch Fucked Up, with a Shit Cherry on Top

Here’s the recipe to concoct something seemingly impossible – the worst fucking launch ever, and the bloody cherry on top of the shit cake is that this is achieved with a fucking remake! Kingdoms of Amalur: Re-Reckoning, in short KoARR, which sums up the goddamn fucking situation onomatopoetically in quite a more adept manner than the game now runs, is the worst fucking launch in the history of bad fucking launches!

What happened, you may wonder. Well, take a promising remaster of an allegedly dead game on EA’s massive list of buried games rotten under a glaring desert sun, have it magically revived by THQ North with tons of promise, only to release a Fate Edition (that is very broken) one day before the normal version (that is also broken), move the release date from midnight like each and every game under the motherfucking sun to fucking 5 pm UK time, and then fail to deliver the day 1 patch that usually is a day -2 patch these days late.

How bad can it be, you may wonder? Your ears are in for a screeching treat once you boot KoARR, which is exactly what your ears feel when booting up the game and hearing insanely loud noise – but once you turn down the volume, the rest of the game is virtually inaudible. Next, you’ll notice that the game is inexplicably dark for no reason. But wait, KoARR now resembles an ass that keeps on crapping: All the improvements and changes, like FOV sliders? Nope, part of the day 1 patch! Ha-ha!

Even better, there are reports of game-braking bugs on all systems, but the latest advice from the incompetent team of inept buffoons who came up with KoARR is, get this, to not play the game right now at all! What the flying fuck?

Congratulations, idiots! You manage to make even EA look good, because fucking believe it or fucking don’t, EA managed to release KoAR without a clusterfuck of shit bombs back in the day. You fucking morons make EA look good! Unbelievable. Avoid this fucking disaster like the plague right now!

KoARR!!!!

Spring Remake Mania ’20

While it’s interesting to see how pretty much all of the big releases of 2020 have been delayed, from Sony’s The Last of Us 2 AND Ghost of Tsushima to the coming Juggernaut that Cyberpunk 2077 will be, it doesn’t mean there will be a lack of new games. They may be old new games, but new and shiny nonetheless!

We’ve already had a few – for instance the lukewarm and half-assed WarCraft 3, the shorter and less convincing Resident Evil 3, and of course the much-applauded cash cow Final Fantasy VII – Part I (the part that many fans are missing, and also … well, let’s not go into that here).

But there’s more to come! Last week, we’ve heard there’s going to be Mafia Trilogy, and Mafia 2 may even be on the (virtual) shelves later this week already! But of course, the shining star is the remake of the first Mafia game, set in the not-that-golden 30s of the 19th century. Also, not every game has a set of racing drivers named after death metal singers!

Then, we have the remaster of Saints Row The Third – a game that’s not as strong as the amazing Saints Row 2 in many ways, but still showcases great sandbox gameplay – and it had proper shooting mechanics now that felt less awkward!

Let’s also not forget Destroy All Humans where a virus, pardon, an alien, wants to eliminate mankind in 2020. Back on the PS2, this game was great fun!

Dear PC gamers, you may think you can finally run Crysis on your machine? Developer Crytek then thought “hold my beer” and has announced Crysis Remastered out of spite. Just like that. Seeing the Switch is included for a mysterious reason, the specs should be manageable this time though … Maybe. Don’t bet on it.

Not really Rabidgames’ cup of tea, but Tony Hawk 1 and 2 will also be remastered. So if you want to meet Spider-Man or a fat cop on a skateboard, you know where to roll.

Rabidgames muses: Now, remakes or remasters are nothing new. But 2020 really seems to be THE year of the remaster. And while that’s nice and cool (more in the case of Mafia 1, considerably less in the case of WarCraft 3), one can wonder when the next-gen wave of remasters will hit us – and which game will eventually be crowned “World Champion of Remastered/Remake” …

5 Reasons to Get an Xbox One (X) Now

We all know Microsoft royally fucked up the start of the Xbox One with their always-online bullshit, their Kinect idiocy and their general complacency of having overtaken Sony’s PS3 with the 360. So while the exclusives aren’t exactly shit, they still pale to the PS4 exclusives, that’s for sure, but there are now some reasons to get an Xbox One, or why not an X while you’re at it?

1. Backwards compatibility
Now, that’s a big thing if you own a massive 360 library. There are hundreds of games available there (and if you own around 50, you’ll spend some time there), and most of them look and play better than they did on the 360 (or the original Xbox). Obviously, all the Halo, Gears of War and Fable games are there, but you’ll also find gems such as Mercenaries, Knights of the Old Republic or BULLY(!!!) on there. Oh, and each and every DLC on your account will also be there, as will your save games from our 360 games if you upload them onto the cloud.

2. The X is the strongest console
Frankly, the PS4 is a bit old and frail now. The base model still runs the latest games, sure, but once you’ve accustomed to the much faster loading times as well as the better graphics and the smoother gameplay, it’s hard to return to the PS4. And if you compare the versions directly, you’ll notice massive differences at times, e.g. in newer games such as The Division 2 or Assassin’s Creed Origins, where especially the lighting alone makes a difference.

3. The One is quiet
Another problem with the PS4 is its insanely loud fan that can sound like a plane about to take off. The One on the other hand is very quiet even if running a brand-new AAA game with superb graphics and a million explosions on-screen.

4. Xbox One X Enhanced games get a nice boost
It doesn’t stop there; some games are “enhanced” for the X, which means even faster loading times, even smoother gameplay, and as a bonus, some games from the original Xbox now look amazing now, e.g. Knights of the Old Republic! The same goes for Red Dead Redemption, although weirdly enough, this game looks too clean now … And then you have a game like Just Cause 4, where the horrible motion blur, the massive pop-up issues and the weird screen tearing that are omnipresent on the PS4 are either minimised or simply not there.

5. Game Pass
Game Pass is generally seen as the Netflix of gaming, and it is pretty much that. It’ll take you years to play through all games on the list, that’s for sure. Game Pass Ultimate is also a reasonably priced option – especially with the £1 introductory offer you can combine with an active Gold subscription for up to 36 months – and having Game Pass access to future console “hits” such as Gears of War 5 (meh) or The Outer Worlds (fuck yeah!) without paying extra will hopefully make the program even better. It’s such a shame though some games will leave the system, so better play what you really want to play as quick as you can …

Bonus – You can have ALL Saints Row and Just Cause games on one console!
Sure, not everyone likes both series, but the One is the one chance to have ALL games on ONE console. Chances are you just end up playing Just Cause 2 and Saints Row 2 and 4, as they are simply the best of their respective franchises, but it’s still nice to have. Plus, the games run pretty well.

Disclaimer: Rabidgames did not get paid by Microsoft to promote the One X and Game Pass. Which in hindsight seems pretty damn stupid now.

Anthem vs The Division 2: Open Beta Face-Off

We don’t often see two massive, open-world(ish) titles pushing out open betas to try to convince people just before their respective launches in such a short time. While Anthem is more of a sci-fi game with futuristic tech and rather fantastic enemies, The Division 2 is a slightly futuristic-ish game with human enemies. And well, both are always-online loot shooters with a “games as a service system” so lets compare the shit out of them!

One thing – let’s not pretend an open beta is more than just a demo. If you really have to test your servers or your game that late in development, you’re fucked anyway.

It’s been a few days to let the open beta experience of The Division 2 sink in, so let’s get going now and see how both open betas fared!

Technical stuff

GRAPHICS: Anthem looked nice and impressive, whereas TD2 (let’s be lazy, shall we?) looked a step down from its predecessor. Both betas were plagued by pop-ups and other problems, but this point goes to Anthem because the world actually looks stunning at times.
Anthem-Division 1:0

SOUND: This is a tough one. Both games weren’t too convincing in the sound department, and both betas showed signs that there is still some work to do in both cases. However, TD2 had some serious issues with the weapon sounds. giving Anthem the edge here.
Anthem-Division 2:0

STABILITY: TD2 had issues in the closed beta, but so had Anthem. In Anthem’s open beta however, it was very common to either not be able to connect or to get thrown out of the game when connected, which happened on a very regular basis, making the game unplayable for tens of minutes at times. TD2 on the other hand, ran fine with very few connection issues and very few hiccups.
Anthem-Division 2:1

STARTING OUT: Anthem was cumbersome – Going from the hub veeeery slowly to the hangar area took a while, and going back to report and get the next objective was the same drag. Matchmaking was also rather weird and sometimes resulted with no results, wasting’everybody’s time. TD2 was more fluid from the get-go, and running inside hubs can help. Sadly, neither beta offered an easy drop in/drop out service, which seems odd in this day and age.
Anthem-Division 2:2

Beta Content

CUSTOMISATION: Both betas show not much in terms of character customisation. Anthem let us lightly customise the Javelin and our loadout, TD2 let us lightly customise our agent and the loadout, too. However, it felt easier to try out different builds in TD2 as you could do so on the spot instead of collecting orbs that were sent to the hub. All the cosmetic stuff you found to individualise your character was also more accessible than the convoluted way to change the colour of the Javelin (which also was lost when rebooting the Anthem beta the next time).
Anthem-Division 2:3

THE WORLD: We got to see most of the world of Anthem. It looked nice, yes, but also devoid of many landmarks or points of interest. You also had to actively look for activity beyond angering wildlife because it was pretty empty. TD2’s overgrown and green Washington DC was full of life, be it animals, friendly or hostile humans – there could be danger just around the corner all the time, so it’s easy to see who wins here.
Anthem-Division 2:4

WORLD BUILDING: The hub in Anthem felt static and sterile, filled with static NPCs, pointless dialogue choices and “not available in beta” signs instead of actual dialogues in most cases. Just like the rest of the world, it felt empty, even a bit trivial After you did missions, you came back and it was all the same. TD2 showed a world you rebuild and actively change. After all, you literally re-build the world in TD2.
Anthem-Division 2:5

MISSIONS: Anthem had some missions and one end-game mission. And free roam. TD2 had some main missions, lots of repeatable side missions, free roam was part of the world anyway, and also one end-game mission. While both are mostly go from A to B to kill C, Anthem was quite boring as it felt pretty generic, whereas TD2 offered more interesting levels that required some tactical planning. Being able to explore and discover seamlessly between missions and free roam is an easy win for TD2.
Anthem-Division 2:6

Gameplay

MOVEMENT: Obviously, flying around in a vertical world is cooler than walking and running around. You can fucking FLY!!!
Anthem-Division 3:6

SHOOTING: Technically, that’s a point for Destiny here. Shooting isn’t too great in either Anthem or TD2 compared to Destiny’s only strength. But between those two, TD2 actually had a more diverse cast of weapons at its disposal and shooting them felt slightly more “real” and satisfying.
Anthem-Division 3:7

ABILITIES: To be fair, Rabidgames has a weakness for the primer/detonator combat of Mass Effect that is also built into Anthem so that’s a strong point for the Bioware game. The abilities in TD2 felt a bit nerfed, making it harder to use them to our advantage. They’re not useless, but not as fun as the combos in Anthem.
Anthem-Division 4:7

GAMEPLAY VARIETY: Well, both are shooters. You aim, you shoot, boom, splash, splatter. But while enemies in Anthem are either weak or bullet sponges – and could be easily copied over from Destiny – TD2 offer variety with its human and robot opponents. Firefights in Anthem’s open beta all played out the same in the categories grunts and bosses. You shoot until they fall, and sure, bosses eat 10,000 bullets for breakfast, resulting in extremely boring circle and shoot orgies while occasionally escaping super attacks. TD2’s fights were a bit harder – you needed to cover your flanks or you were wiped out. Also, a screen full of enemies, drones and remote-controlled bomb-cars in a narrow room was an intense feeling, and bosses there had visual armour you can shoot off to finish off the boss quicker.
Anthem-Division 4:8

THE LOOT: We got weapons and other goodies only after missions in Anthem, which didn’t felt satisfying. At all. And the selection was even less interesting than in Destiny! In TD2, you can play with new loot on the spot, which made playing around with builds and mods more fun. Of course, the endgames in both games will show how good loot really is, but for now, it seems you can do more with it in TD2 – from crafting weapons to donating it to friendly settlements, you shouldn’t sell all you have.
Anthem-Division 4:9

THE SYSTEMS: Now, this is a tough one judging from the beta. Both are RPGs that let you build, craft and customise the gear you like. Anthem pretty much has the mission -> rewards -> customisation loop, while TD2 has more – you upgrade your base and settlements, you open up checkpoints to control districts (where you then open up a door with loot). Plus, you get to see your changes in TD2’s world. In RPG terms, both are pretty light though – the dialogue choice in Anthem are a joke though, if you think who did it!
Anthem-Division 4:10

THE FINAL RESULT: Anthem 4, The Division 10

Rabidgames thinks: It is inexplicable why Bioware/EA chose an outdated version that was a technical nightmare to proudly show off Anthem. It also didn’t do much to tell anything worthwhile about what’s going on. The Division 2 however showed us how the game starts, what’s going on and how many of its systems work together. Substance over style sums it up nicely – Anthem had a nice world with cool flying, but that’s about it. The Division 2 offered lots of content to be experimented with.

It’s no surprise The Division 2 beats Anthem in the beta contest because of those factors, which shows EA either doesn’t get what a beta is these days or that Ubisoft is more confident enough to show us what they got up their sleeves. Or both.

That being said, expect Rabidgames to get Washington D.C. up and running in The Division 2 soon. Anthem must wait, also because the “final” game itself is far from final …

Activision And Capitalism’s Ugly Face

You might have read that Activision Blizzard is firing people, right? You might have also read they’re firing people despite making hefty profits, in fact Activion’s boss talks about “record revenue” …

Here’s the thing – that shouldn’t surprise us. For years now, the gaming industry has been exactly that – an industry. Those who craft, develop and enjoy games still work there, but usually just as low-level employees. The ones ruling the shots are fucking assholes in suits who treat games like they’d treat cars, materials, or even worse than games, food or medicine: as means to generate shitloads of money so they and their fucking shareholders get richer and richer. At the same time, they don’t give a shit about the company, why would they, after all? After bleeding out one company, they can go bleeding the next one dry. The word enough simply does not exist in the capitalist dictionary.

This kind of shit is regarded as normal in our capitalist world; workers getting fed bread crumbs while parasitic shareholders and their managers in suits feast on golden cakes. And you know, the absurd thing is that those managers in suits primarily answer to those fucking shareholders. If 800 people get fired, lose their jobs, potentially their homes, they don’t give a fuck. But if one shareholder feels 5% profit isn’t enough for the platinum cake he wants to buy, the next “logical” thing will be firing 800 more workers.

This is the fucked up world we live in. If you want games made by gamers for gamers for enjoyment and for the game makers to make a living, indie games are your only choice. With every AAA game you buy, you make sure the artists, developers and other workers get fed, sure. But for each pound they might get, 2 pounds (probably more) go the fucking shareholders.

Rabidgames wonders: What to do? Well, we can buy less AAA games and more indie games. But would that really help? There’s talk about a gaming union in the UK, which would greatly help things, of course. But at the end of the day, it’s simple: Gaming is just as fucked as the rest of the world. It’s not different, it’s just another means for corporations to make money for themselves.

Mass Effect + Destiny + A Hot Mess – Bioware Writing = Anthem

First of all, Anthem is better than Rabidgames expected. The flying is pretty cool, and the good old Mass Effect primer/detonator combos are back. In its best moments, when there is some flow and your team works together well, it really feels like Mass Effect plus jetpack. And some guy split in three is interesting, well, unless you know Kingdom Hearts where one guy splits himself into 13.

Anyway, sometimes better than expected does not mean anywhere above the line of average. Anthem has some good sides, but the bad sides prevail. By a mile. Shooting bullet sponges has been bad since Destiny (and that was even worse in The Division, where seemingly human bosses survive 5 magazines of lead in their head), and Anthem is as just not food enough here. While you can mix and match flying/gliding and shooting after a bit of practice, it doesn’t make up for the shooting being two leagues below Destiny. You don’t have to like Destiny to admit that they absolutely nailed the shooting …

Furthermore, the gameplay loop is boring: Go there, shoot baddies, upload something, go somewhere else, rinse and repeat, oh look, a boss. Even if the shooting was top-notch (nope), and even if combos were as fluent and intuitive as in Mass Effect (again, nope), it would just be en par with Destiny … at most. But when you end up flying through a mostly empty world for 3 minutes, you get bored quicker than in other games where you walk for ten seconds between shoot-outs. Even worse, the cringe-worthy story told by NPCs that looked ancient 5 years ago … There is no excuse for something that bad from fucking Bioware! Dude gets artefact, smashes it, gets split into three, his worst and dumbest third escapes the city, you get him back, only for the game to freeze in the cutscene that explains it … well done, Bioware.

Speaking of freezing, lags, crashes, connection issues, frame-rate problems and the loss of sound – yes, Anthem has all of this and more. Guys, this is a demo, isn’t it? You want people to convince to buy the game. Instead, hardly anything works as intended. Even worse, Friday was kind of stable, Saturday was less, and hardly anything worked on Sunday. That’s quite poor.

Also, the story. Anthem is like Destiny there – some mysterious stranger, sorry, energy source that can somehow alter reality … Sure, we don’t need all the details now, but after Destiny, mysterious hints are suspicious of a shit show in the story department. Bad dialogues and boring mission design don’t help there either. Absolutely nothing of interest except the guy made threefold happens – so where’s the catch?

Given the utterly idiotic way PS4 gamers will be the last to see the game – and thereby maybe the luckier ones as they’ll know what they’re getting into – we might know soon if the final version of Anthem is indeed ready. But here’s the thing: if, and that’s a big IF, hell, a couple of big IFs, if the game fixes its technical issues, if the story develops into something decent and if Anthem ends up with good content, then it might be a game worth looking at. But the demo does not help – if you judge Anthem by it, it’s a broken mess that is nowhere near Destiny or Warframe.

Rabdigames shakes his weary head: A demo should make people buy the game. In this case, that won’t happen. An unfinished mess with barely any identity is not good enough even though the core gameplay looks somewhat promising. Any hope for Bioware is long gone anyway, but Anthem could be their swansong – after a long decline, it might be soon time EA takes Bioware out into the desert to an unmarked grave full of bodies. If the demo is a sign, Bioware better savours its sorry life as long as it lasts …

Fuck The Fear of Offending Some Fuckers!

So, it seems Ubisoft uses some – honestly only semi-funny and admittedly rather poorly timed – joke PR  for The Division 2 mentioning the US government shutdown – and then melts down over it. Wait, what?

So that’s offensive?

Remember when Ubisoft was insisting it’s not their intention to make “overtly” political games? That might why Far Cry 5 was devoid of any controversy except killing white christian extremists … well, with the help of slightly less radical mostly white christians … And of course there were still some obvious Trump jokes in there …

Anyway. Ubisoft, you’re making a game in Washington. With the name “Tom Clancy” in it. And it’s a post-apocalyptic game. That’s a politics hattrick, for fuck’s sake! But it wasn’t even overtly political nor was it directed at anyone. It was just an edgy joke, nothing more.

But you know what? Fuck your apology and fuck of phobia of being offensive. Fuck being scared of offending someone somewhere on this planet. And fuck you for being offended by anything that is not even directed at you personally.

And from a business perspective – ride out the shitstorm. It’s better PR than seeming to be a bunch of scared headless chicken.That’s just stupid.

Besides, where does it stop? The next person will be offended that Ghost Recon: Wildlands is a right-wing militarist wet dream. Another guy will then claim that Watch Dogs 2 glorifies hacking and godless life in godless San Francisco. And remember that you can slaughter innocent pixanimals in Far Cry 5! And what about all that terribly unchristian fucking everybody and their goats in Assassin’s Creed Odyssey (and then taking all choices away at the end of a DLC)?

Rabidgames wonders: What the fuck happened to us? Since when is one guy somewhere always offended about anything, or even worse, thinks that someone else might be offended? Why are we so afraid the shit we say could offend anyone? Except when we do it all the time on social media of course …

Fire Pro Wrestling World or Now This is Wrestling!

Tired of the annual WWE games? Tired of decade-old animations and terrible hair? Tired of the heroes of yesteryears shitting on everybody else? Don’t fret! Finally, Fire Pro Wrestling has come to the PS4!

Fire Pro Wrestling World is completely different from the WWE 2K games in pretty much every aspect though. It starts with the 2D graphics, continues with the emphasis on position and timing and ends with an emphasis on match ratings. There is also a very looong career mode called “Fighting Road” (after 5 hours, you might just be around 5-8% in) where you learn the ropes and meet all the famous NJPW greats. And yes, it can get quite whacky.

There are quite a few modes available, from single to tag team to battle royal matches, and there’s also weirder ones such as barbed wire, landmine matches and even MMA style clashes, including one kind where you can only strike. Of course, you can also create your own wrestler in Fire Pro Wrestling World. Yes, it looks and feels weird at first, but you can build incredibly crazy wrestlers and add them to your rosters. The move list is also huge, and each move can be assigned as a finisher. Sadly though, the title creation option is pretty basic.

Another unique thing to Fire Pro is the AI. You can manipulate the logic of a wrestler so that he/she behaves like you want him/her to, or, if you create a CM Punk, that he behaves exactly like CM Punk would. Understanding and then applying the logic system is, as is everything in Fire Pro, a long process though.

But, and here’s the main difference to Yukes’ WWE 2K games, Fire Pro is a series where it is fun to just watch the matches. Thanks to the logic system, watching Ric Flair fight Sting looks pretty similar to their classic fights, provided their logic is correctly applied. And that’s where the emphasis on match ratings comes into play. The more varied the match, the more the momentum changes, the more dramatic kick-outs, the better the rating will be.

One thing should be noted though – Fire Pro Wrestling World has a huge learning cliff once you start out. It goes without saying that you should start with the tutorial if you’re new to the series. Because if you don’t you’ll feel utterly lost. Previous wrestling game or beat ’em up knowledge is essentially useless.

Even a simple thing as a grapple will be mystery. Why? Well, in Fire Pro, you grapple automatically and press the button at a very specific time. Otherwise, your move will be countered. If you hit the strong grapple button while your opponent is fit, you’ll get countered. Actually, there are many tutorials out there like the following one that explain the game mechanics nicely.

So, where does that leave us? Fire Pro Wrestling World is a game that rewards patience and those who see wrestling as a form of art. It doesn’t always matter if you win or lose, what matters is that you do it in style. Fire Pro has been known to go down a different route when it comes to wrestling, in World is not different in this regard. Even better, once the Promoter DLC is out, you will be able to book and simulate, or promote, your very own wrestling league, compete with others and put all the things you’ve learnt to test. Until then, Fire Pro Wrestling World is still a game that can be immensely fun to learn and master.

Rabidgames’ verdict: DO NOT BUY the game when you have no interest or patience to learn a new way to wrestle from scratch. Or any interest in wrestling.

GO BUY the game when you love wrestling, a challenge and eventually very rewarding gameplay.

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey – From Ancient Greece to the American Revolution and Back with One Season Pass

First of all – the fuck? Whenever Rabidgames buys the ultimate or whatever version of a game to enjoy the complete version with all DLCs or just because it is dead cheap and the 360 version is in a box, boom, a remaster appears out of thin air. Dragon’s Dogma, boom! Far Cry 3, boom! Red Faction Guerilla, boom! And now, Assassin’s Creed 3, boom! How about Oblivion Remastered then? Or New Vegas, you know, the Fallout people fucking want?

Anyway, what were we talking about, oh, Assassin’s Creed 3, right. As you might have heard, the Remastered version will be part of the Season Pass of the soon coming Greek tragedy Assassin’s Creed Odyssey! Or you can buy the game separately if you don’t like Greek culture and food, or if you’ve had one too many ouzos once or twice …

So yeah. There are some reasons to question Assassin’s Creed Odyssey – it is set before the Assassins were formed, it is set only in Greece (which feels a bit sad after the diverse climates and the pyramids of Egypt), people there don’t revere cats as much, and then there’s a focus on naval combat no one has really asked for because let’s face it, naval combat in Black Flag – aye, naval combat in Origins – nay.

But it could still be a great game – there are also tons of good news – exploration mode for isntance. No more “follow the main quest” … well, still a bit, but Odyssey allows you to explore Greece at your leisure even more than Origins did with Egypt. One could say you can have your own open-ended Odyssey …

Choices also appear to be meaningful in this seemingly deep action RPG, at least if we believe Ubi’s PR machine. In many ways, Odyssey sounds like the Bioware game fucking EA has denied us this generation. True, Inquisition was decent enough, although it paled and withered once The Witcher 3 claimed the RPG throne. But Odyssey could have what it takes to best at least Bioware’s efforts. At the very least, we can decide if we support Athens or Sparta, and it seems we can do a whole lot more dirty mercenary work, including recruiting a crew again (there’ll also be a trophy for having recruited an all-female crew) …

And then, all the stuff after release. Sure, it would be nice to have all at once – but have you read the details of Odyssey’s Season Pass? Two expansions, one about Atlantis! The episodic content sucks, sure, but Atlantis!

Here’s the thing. Ubisoft does questionable, very questionable things at times, like still having games with fucking loot boxes, or always-online for The Crew or The Division. And fucking loot boxes! But when it comes to value for money, Odyssey looks like a big fucking deal! Procided you like Assassin’s Creed, you pay 80 to 100 quid (depending on the version) for a 100 hour game. Plus the massive Assassin’s Creed 3 (hopefully a bit streamlined) plus its great tyrannic alternate history, plus the smaller bonus of Liberation!

And then, there’s the free stuff. We’ll get another Discovery tour and more free weekly and daily DLC in the form of mini quests! So, that’s plenty of bang for your bucks. But … well, there’s also a big concern. Assassin’s Creed Odyssey could very well have an expiration date, similar to pretty much every fucking game this year if you own a PS4 or a One. Let’s face it, Red Dead Redemption 2 is already raring to go, and unless Rockstar does a massive, massive fuck-up, it looks like a goddamn serious Game of the Decade contender. But pretty much every game this year has that red dead problem …

Time to Say: Fuck Nintendo!

Remember how Nintendo always pretends to guise the clothes of the only consumer-friendly company in a world of sharks? Well FUCK THAT!

First of all, yes. Nintendo sometimes pulls of good shit such as the Xenoblade Chronicle games or the Zelda games – although quite often you feel they would get -10% points were they released on more advanced systems. Take Breath of the Wild – great phyiscs and a big open world, something unseen on a Nintendo system. But not exactly innovative in any way. We’ve seen physics before, we’ve seen open worlds before, we’ve seen a stamina system before. And we’ve sure as hell seen breakable weapons before, although hardly ever that ridiculously.

But – apart from that, Nintendo is an incredibly backwards company (just look at their 50s style family presentations in their games) and above all, they rip off their blind sheepish fans wherever they can – and always get a way with it!

How, you ask? Well, imagine Sony games would never get cheaper. Look on Amazon for the price of Breath of the Wild – 50 quid. For a game that was releases way over a year ago! Imagine Sony selling controllers for 60 quid – and that’s the “Joy-Cons” (imagine frustrated folks buying them thinking they bought a dildo …). But the motherfucking icing on the shit cake is this, quoting Eurogamer’s slightly rose-tinted article about the terrible Switch online service (more on that below):

the gall to present those £49.99 NES controllers – which only work with the NES app and not with other games – as a privilege, something that Sony or Microsoft would surely never have the gall to attempt

Funny, isn’t it? Imagine Microsoft designing a retro Xbox controller that ONLY works with original Xbox games. Sounds fucking stupid now, doesn’t it?

And then that shambolic online service. First, you need a phone app for voice chat. If only a console could handle that … Second, you can back up some of your saves now that you have to pay to play online, but as soon as you don’t feel like paying, Nintendo fucking deletes all your cloud saves straight away! How fucked up is that?

But let’s be clear – Microsoft and Sony and their paid online is as fucked. We’ve become used to pay for a service that is often still utter shit. And Nintendo joining them doesn’t make Nintendo worse (in this regard). But – Nintendo isn’t better. Nintendo isn’t the motherfucking knight in shining armour rescuing gamers in distress from the evil dragons Sony and Microsoft. Nintendo is just the same, and when it comes to online, Nintendo is incompetent as fuck on top of the shit cake they’re all eating together.

But couple this with ridiculously overpriced pricing for peripheral devices, couple that with the always extremely high prices to buy their games, and we see the combined result: A greedy company leeching its devout fan base on a level only EA and Activision reach, while pretending to be completely different wearing the family friendly colourful disguise of someone who almost credibly cares. So here it is: Fuck Nintendo!