Lollipop Chainsaw or The Fine Line between Insanity and Infantility

Let’s start this review of Lollipop Chainsaw with a confession:

Rabidgames did not finish the game. Why?
The final boss fight consists of hacking at the cliché goth  for 10 minutes, and then follows the most ridiculous and stupid QTE chain ever – if you fail to press one button within a nanosecond, you’re dead and you have to start all over again. Simply, it’s just not worth it.

But then again, there is no real reason why you would like to finish Lollipop Chainsaw: The story is insane and yet stupid, the characters are all annoying, and yes, if a game insists on fucking reaction tests during its final fight, here’s Rabidgames’ reaction: Fuck off and die, cunts!

Actually, if you’re into watching scantily dressed animated cheerleaders, there is a reward for completing Lollipop Chainsaw at least once. You get a special outfit:

Well, the decision is yours. But you know, instead of being a weirdo, you could watch some real porn as well …

But what does Lollipop Chainsaw actually offer?

As mentioned above, the story is insane yet ordinary, all characters will annoy the shit out of you, the levels are as linear as linear can be, and the repetitive fights against basic zombies are outright boring: Juliet’s limited arsenal of moves might look great if you’re an animephiliac, but for the rest of us, it is just a mediocre hack’n’slay with pom-poms and a chainsaw. Nothing more.

Then, Lollipop Chainsaw is full of QTEs … yes, Rabidgames hates this blight. And here, it is at its worst. A locked door? Slash it open, QTE. Severing zombies with a special move? QTE. Why jumping over a pipe when you can slash it? How? Of course, QTE. But it gets even worse: When you put Nick’s head (Juliet’s rather hapless and bodyless boyfriend) onto a zombie body (don’t ask how that’s possible, it’s cheerleader magic), you must fulfil certain tasks. How to do that? 20 seconds of motherfucking QTE!!! Irritating as shit! And you do that at least once per level! Here, Lollipop Chainsaw follows the beaten path that says: “If you have no clue how to include a compelling gameplay mechanic, just include a QTE to cover it up”. Thanks.

To be fair though, Lollipop Chainsaw manages to make QTEs work in the one department where it truly shines: The boss fights (well, apart from the final one at least). Here, you bring down their health bars with normal chainsaw slashing, and then you cut them straight down the middle via QTE – and it’s fine because it makes sense. The boss fights are also proof Suda has still some great ideas – if you want to fight a punk rocker literally throwing words at you, a Norse black metal drummer on his ship, a psychedelic stoner queen on an acid trip or a biker who turns into an elephant-machine hybrid – here we go. The boss fights are really fun.

Eventually, Lollipop Chainsaw suffers from the same disease Shadows of the Damned suffered before: Its decent ideas are seriously hampered by incredibly mediocre gameplay and a kind of humour which often borderlines infantile tit or dick jokes rather than make you laugh. At the end of the day, the game might be worth renting to check out if you like it … but buying it for more than 10 quids? No way!

Rabidgames is disgusted: Yes, that final boss fight is shit. And annoying. But it would be too easy to say it was the only thing which soured Lollipop Chainsaw – the game offers lots of style but hardly any substance. If you take away the hot cheerleader stuff, you have a mediocre hack’n’slay heavily relying on QTEs, exposing QTE as what it really is: A weak excuse for a lack of good gameplay ideas.


One Response to “Lollipop Chainsaw or The Fine Line between Insanity and Infantility”

  1. So, basically the only reason to get this is if you have a cgi cheerleader fetish. Makes you wonder what drugs were being passed out to the execs to get this game published.

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