Saints Row The Third or A Wasted Season Pass

Yes, Rabidgames made a mistake: He bought the Season Pass for Saints Row The Third, back when it was originally released.
Well, that’s a lesson learnt: Don’t buy stuff unless you’re sure about the quality.

Anyway, the Season Pass allowed you to download Saints Row The Third‘s three “big” DLC packs for a reduced price. Here’s what you get:


1. Genkibowl VII

This one is a bad, bad joke. We’re supposed to pay money for 4 new activities – including 2 lazily recycled ones straight copy-pasted from Saints Row The Third (plus, it is just 2 instead of 3 new instances).

First you have Apocalypse Genki, a blatant Genki activity rip-off. Yes, some paths are tougher, and there are sharks jumping out of the water to eat whoever falls in there. Big deal.

Next is Super Ethical PR Opportunity … well, it is a funnier version of Escort – you get to grill pedestrians with flamethrowers – but it’s still the same boring Escort stuff.

On the other hand, we have one of the best activities ever: Sexy Kitten Yarngasm! You control the Yarnie, a giant yarn – and your goal is to decimate everything in your way. Imagine an insane Tank Mayhem … plus, you get to keep the Yarnie for some random chaos, too!

Last and definitely least, there is Sad Panda Skyblazing. In this annoying activity, you have to glide through hoops and also kill mascots on rooftops. The controls are crap, and if you’re done with it you will never go back.

OK, now Genkibowl VII sounds pretty abysmal, doesn’t it? Well, if it wasn’t for the amazing Yarngasm it would be a real turd. Still, one activity alone is simply not worth the money.


2. Gangstas In Space

Yep, this DLC is you in a movie (actually, a bit different from the Gangstas in Space mission in Saints Row The Third‘s endgame). Aliens attack earth, you save one friendly alien, destroy everything in your path – and in the end, you’re co-actress snaps. This could be fun … if the missions weren’t bland.

The first one is go from A to B, rescue C, destroy D to Z while in a vehicle – we’ve seen this before a million times. The second one gives you laser weapons to infiltrate an alien base – but that’s it. No insane over the top explosions, no giant space sharks, just shooting humaoid aliens. The third one gives you control of a UFO … remember the mission where you’re in a VTOL and have to destroy enemy VTOLs and base structures? Guess what, it’s the same.

But at least you get to keep those cool laser weapons – forget it. Why? No one knows … At least you get to keep the UFO and some useless homies … Please, avoid if you can.


3. The Trouble With Clones

So some nerd managed to clone Johnny Gat, but it turned out something went wrong. Now Gat Hulk is on the run …

Again, this DLC has three missions. The first one is basically a hunt for Gat – you shoot some guys, then there’s a car chase, just like the first mission in Gangstas in Space. The second one gets better though: Pierce must sing Aisha’s songs while dressed as some transexual Aisha wannabe. To prevent crazed fans from storming the stage, you must use the Swarmitron, a bee gun, to shoot at them – sounds crazy, and it is fun.

But the third mission is one of the best – ever! You have insane super powers now – you can punch harder, run faster and even shoot magical fireballs! Hooray. This mission is a blast!

Sadly, you don’t get to keep your super powers to toy around with nor do you get the bee gun … again, a ridiculous design decision! Why on earth don’t we get to keep all the good stuff from DLC now, Volition?


Rabidgames is disappointed: Well, Volition has shown how to abuse DLC: Not only did they lock all rewards and made them micro DLC (all those weapons and vehicles would have been unlockables in Saints Row 2), they also managed to throw in some incredibly weak bigger DLC. If you can, avoid buying the Season Pass. Only Trouble with Clones is actually worth playing.


One Response to “Saints Row The Third or A Wasted Season Pass”

  1. I understand where you are coming from, but i really wanted to %100 the game which is only done with the DLC sadly. they should change that.

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